{"id":115960,"date":"2025-07-24T00:00:32","date_gmt":"2025-07-24T04:00:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/africatodaynewsnewyork.com\/?p=115960"},"modified":"2025-07-24T00:03:13","modified_gmt":"2025-07-24T04:03:13","slug":"jumping-like-wifi-since-1999-a-satirical-series-part-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/africatodaynewsnewyork.com\/2025\/07\/24\/jumping-like-wifi-since-1999-a-satirical-series-part-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Jumping Like WiFi Since 1999: A Satirical Series\u2014Part 1"},"content":{"rendered":"

I Have Seen the Light in the Other Party<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

By Prof. MarkAnthony Nze<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

In Nigeria, light is not always electricity \u2014 sometimes it\u2019s a senator\u2019s bank alert. And when a politician says, \u201cI have seen the light,\u201d what he really means is \u201cDem no give me ticket.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s stop pretending. Nobody is consulting their conscience. They\u2019re consulting spreadsheets: zoning formula, delegate count, and how much envelope is moving in Party B. Once the math is mathing, voila! The \u201clight\u201d appears.<\/p>\n

This episode exposes Nigeria\u2019s most sacred political scam: the overnight defection wrapped in holy wrapper. The man that was dragging the ruling party like jollof rice last week suddenly appears in their colors this week, doing thanksgiving in church like he just got healed of leprosy. God didn’t speak to him \u2014 INEC did.<\/p>\n

The defector usually starts with a press statement that smells like it was downloaded from DefectionTemplates.com. \u201cAfter wide consultations with my people\u2026\u201d Bros, which people? Your PA and two retired thugs from your ward?<\/p>\n

Then comes the classic: \u201cMy spirit no longer aligns with the party\u2019s vision.\u201d Na now your spirit dey misbehave? After collecting appointment, contract, estacode, and attending national convention with a matching cap? Oga, please shift.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s talk logistics. These men don\u2019t just defect \u2014 they relocate their stomach infrastructure. You\u2019ll see them smiling like stolen mandate at the welcome rally, while party loyalists pretend like they didn\u2019t insult each other just two weeks ago. A quick uniform change, handshake with the national chairman, and boom \u2014 \u201cI am now fully committed to the growth of our great party.\u201d Which party? Any party with electricity, AC, and small rice at the secretariat.<\/p>\n

\n

Read more: INTRO: Jumping Like WiFi Since 1999\u2014A Satirical Series<\/a><\/strong><\/h1>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Even pastors have entered the game. Some will arrange 3-day fasting for “divine direction,” then announce the defection on a Sunday like prophecy. \u201cThe Lord told me in a dream that this new party is the ark of covenant.\u201d Na lie. It\u2019s the ark of contracts.<\/p>\n

And oh \u2014 the praise singers. \u201cDistinguished Honorable, the man of the people!\u201d Man wey no repair borehole in 4 years. A man whose only constituency project was changing parties like he’s changing DSTV subscription.<\/p>\n

This is not politics. This is political Yahoo Plus. Manifesto no dey, principle no dey, shame don die. Loyalty is now as flexible as NEPA light. They will join the party, chop, defect again, and still say \u201cfor the good of my people.\u201d<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s call it what it is: Nigerian politicians don’t defect \u2014 they migrate seasonally like japa birds. They don\u2019t believe in any ideology except \u201cWhat\u2019s in it for me?\u201d Today it\u2019s broom, tomorrow umbrella, next tomorrow torchlight, and by 2027, maybe cow logo \u2014 who knows?<\/p>\n

So next time you hear \u201cI have seen the light,\u201d just know:
\nThe only light they\u2019re seeing is coming from the ATM in the party secretariat.<\/p>\n

God no send them. Greed did.<\/p>\n

Professor MarkAnthony Ujunwa Nze<\/strong>\u00a0is a distinguished Nigerian-born investigative journalist, public intellectual, and global governance analyst, whose work spans critical intersections of media, law, and policy. His expertise extends across strategic management, leadership, and international business law, where he brings a nuanced understanding of institutional dynamics, cross-border legal frameworks, and executive decision-making in complex global environments.<\/em><\/p>\n

Currently based in New York, Professor Nze serves as a full tenured professor at the New York Centre for Advanced Research. There, he spearheads interdisciplinary research at the forefront of governance innovation, corporate strategy, and geopolitical risk. Widely respected for his intellectual rigor and principled advocacy, he remains a vital voice in shaping ethical leadership and sustainable governance across emerging and established democracies.<\/em><\/p>\n

Africa Today News, New York<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I Have Seen the Light in the Other Party By Prof. MarkAnthony Nze In Nigeria, light is not always electricity \u2014 sometimes it\u2019s a senator\u2019s bank alert. And when a politician says, \u201cI have seen the light,\u201d what he really means is \u201cDem no give me ticket.\u201d Let\u2019s stop pretending. Nobody is consulting their conscience. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":115961,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"pmpro_default_level":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-115960","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-opinion","pmpro-has-access"],"yoast_head":"\nJumping Like WiFi Since 1999: A Satirical Series\u2014Part 1<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In Nigeria, light is not always electricity \u2014 sometimes it\u2019s a senator\u2019s bank alert. 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