{"id":115992,"date":"2025-07-26T02:25:42","date_gmt":"2025-07-26T06:25:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/africatodaynewsnewyork.com\/?p=115992"},"modified":"2025-07-26T02:29:59","modified_gmt":"2025-07-26T06:29:59","slug":"jumping-like-wifi-since-1999-a-satirical-series-part-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/africatodaynewsnewyork.com\/2025\/07\/26\/jumping-like-wifi-since-1999-a-satirical-series-part-3\/","title":{"rendered":"Jumping Like WiFi Since 1999: A Satirical Series\u2014Part 3"},"content":{"rendered":"

Political Polyamory: One Nation, Many Bedmates<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

By Prof. MarkAnthony Nze<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

In a land where shame has long since packed its bags and japa-ed, Nigerian politicians have perfected the dark art of political polyamory, keeping emotional, financial, and spiritual relationships with 3\u20135 parties at once, while publicly declaring fidelity to “the will of the people.”<\/strong><\/p>\n

Here, ideology is not a compass \u2014 it’s a costume. And loyalty is an election-season ringtone: easily changed, quickly silenced.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s call a spade a spade. Nigerian politicians don\u2019t belong to parties \u2014 they date them. Casually. Secretly. Simultaneously. It\u2019s not PDP or<\/em> APC \u2014 it\u2019s PDP while flirting with APC, eyeing LP on the side, and still picking calls from YPP in the midnight hour. Political polygamy? Please. That\u2019s too formal. This is side-chick democracy.<\/p>\n

You\u2019ll find them collecting consultation money from Party A, printing posters with Party B\u2019s slogan, attending night meetings with Party C, and swearing allegiance to Party D in church the next morning. By evening, they\u2019re on TV shouting \u201cWe are one Nigeria.\u201d<\/p>\n

One Nigeria indeed \u2014 with multiple political bedmates, each one more confused than the last.<\/p>\n

They\u2019ll tell you:<\/p>\n

\u201cI am still a card-carrying member of my party.\u201d<\/p>\n

Yes. That card is somewhere in the glove compartment \u2014 next to four other membership cards and a bottle of anointing oil, just in case the pastor calls.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s not pretend. This isn\u2019t strategy \u2014 it\u2019s serial infidelity. One politician once contested under Party A while sponsoring a cousin under Party B. When asked why, he said:<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re just trying to cover all angles.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cover ke? You\u2019re running political Tinder, swiping left on principles and right on opportunity.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, their social media bios are neutral \u2014 \u201cPublic Servant. Nation Builder. Grassroots Advocate.\u201d Nothing that would implicate them ideologically. Because the goal isn\u2019t service \u2014 it\u2019s survivability.<\/p>\n

Even godfathers have adapted. They now advise their boys:<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t put all your ambition in one party. You never know which one will be in power.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

Read also: <\/i>Jumping Like WiFi Since 1999: A Satirical Series\u2014Part 2<\/a><\/strong><\/h1>\n<\/blockquote>\n

So you\u2019ll see one \u201ccomrade\u201d clapping at Party A\u2019s convention, giving thanks at Party B\u2019s rally, and holding prayer vigil with Party C \u2014 all in one week. That\u2019s not a politician. That\u2019s a political gigolo.<\/p>\n

In Nigeria, ideological commitment is for mumu. Smart politicians know how to \u201ckeep their options open.\u201d And when they finally defect, they\u2019ll say, with boldness:<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is not about me. It\u2019s about my people.\u201d<\/p>\n

Yes \u2014 their people in the procurement department.<\/p>\n

This episode exposes the brutal truth: there are no political marriages in Nigeria. Just situationships of convenience. Everyone is cheating, but pretending it\u2019s patriotism.<\/p>\n

And the electorate? Many cheer. Some cry. But most just eat rice at the decamping ceremony and wait for the next defection.<\/p>\n

So remember \u2014 next time your favorite \u201chonorable\u201d claims loyalty to one party, just smile and ask:<\/p>\n

\u201cHow many others are you seeing on the side?\u201d<\/p>\n

Because in Nigerian politics, monogamy is a myth.
\nAnd betrayal is bipartisan.<\/p>\n

Professor MarkAnthony Ujunwa Nze<\/strong>\u00a0is a distinguished Nigerian-born investigative journalist, public intellectual, and global governance analyst, whose work spans critical intersections of media, law, and policy. His expertise extends across strategic management, leadership, and international business law, where he brings a nuanced understanding of institutional dynamics, cross-border legal frameworks, and executive decision-making in complex global environments.<\/em><\/p>\n

Currently based in New York, Professor Nze serves as a full tenured professor at the New York Centre for Advanced Research. There, he spearheads interdisciplinary research at the forefront of governance innovation, corporate strategy, and geopolitical risk. Widely respected for his intellectual rigor and principled advocacy, he remains a vital voice in shaping ethical leadership and sustainable governance across emerging and established democracies.<\/em><\/p>\n

Africa Today News, New York<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Political Polyamory: One Nation, Many Bedmates By Prof. MarkAnthony Nze In a land where shame has long since packed its bags and japa-ed, Nigerian politicians have perfected the dark art of political polyamory, keeping emotional, financial, and spiritual relationships with 3\u20135 parties at once, while publicly declaring fidelity to “the will of the people.” Here, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":115995,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"pmpro_default_level":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-115992","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-opinion","pmpro-has-access"],"yoast_head":"\nJumping Like WiFi Since 1999: A Satirical Series\u2014Part 3<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In a land where shame has long since packed its bags and japa-ed, Nigerian politicians have perfected the dark art 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