{"id":115999,"date":"2025-07-27T02:38:30","date_gmt":"2025-07-27T06:38:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/africatodaynewsnewyork.com\/?p=115999"},"modified":"2025-07-27T02:38:30","modified_gmt":"2025-07-27T06:38:30","slug":"jumping-like-wifi-since-1999-a-satirical-series-part-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/africatodaynewsnewyork.com\/2025\/07\/27\/jumping-like-wifi-since-1999-a-satirical-series-part-4\/","title":{"rendered":"Jumping Like WiFi Since 1999: A Satirical Series\u2014Part 4"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong><em>Defection Thanksgiving Service<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>By<a href=\"https:\/\/africadailynews.net\/2025\/07\/25\/how-france-looted-africa-and-why-traore-is-ending-it-2\/\"><strong> Prof. MarkAnthony Nze<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>In other countries, politicians defect quietly, with apology or at least shame. But in Nigeria? We throw a party. Not just any party, a full-blown, loudspeaker-blasting, clergy-blessing, canopy-renting, and spirit-summoning Defection Thanksgiving Service.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Because in Nigeria, betrayal isn\u2019t a sin \u2014 it\u2019s a testimony.<\/p>\n<p>This episode opens with Hon. Felix \u201cAnywhere Belle Face\u201d Olorunfemi, recently decamped from the party he once called &#8220;a cabal of certified thieves.&#8221; Today, he\u2019s holding hands with those same \u201cthieves\u201d in white agbada, waving to a cheering crowd as if he just resurrected democracy.<\/p>\n<p>The event? A &#8220;thanksgiving&#8221; to appreciate God\u2019s faithfulness for delivering him from the wickedness of political irrelevance. Because in Nigeria, losing a party ticket is persecution; joining the opposition is divine restoration.<\/p>\n<p>The service begins with Opening Prayer by Bishop of Betrayal, who calls down fire on \u201cevil party members that blocked His Excellency\u2019s ambition.\u201d The congregation yells &#8220;Amen!&#8221; like they weren\u2019t the same people singing hosanna when he joined the last party two years ago.<\/p>\n<p>Praise and worship follow, led by the Choir of Compromised Convictions, featuring hits like:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u201cTake Me Back to the Party I Once Condemned\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201cMy Ticket Cometh From Above\u201d<\/li>\n<li>and the national anthem of defectors:<br \/>\n\u201cJehovah, Carry Me to Where Money Dey Flow.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Then comes the star attraction \u2014 Hon. Felix takes the microphone and begins his \u201ctestimony\u201d:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI was in darkness. They used me and dumped me. But God, in His infinite mercy, opened my eyes to the truth \u2014 and the truth is this party!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>No sir, the truth is you didn&#8217;t get the ticket.<\/p>\n<p>He continues:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI never left the people. I only returned to where my vision can thrive.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s translate that: <em>I followed the money and the godfather who picked my call.<\/em><\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<h1><strong>Read also: \u00a0<i class=\"fas fa-camera\"><\/i><a href=\"https:\/\/africatodaynewsnewyork.com\/2025\/07\/26\/jumping-like-wifi-since-1999-a-satirical-series-part-3\/\">Jumping Like WiFi Since 1999: A Satirical Series\u2014Part 3<\/a><\/strong><\/h1>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Of course, a special sermon is delivered:<\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cHe That Jumpeth Shall Not Fall.\u201d<\/em><br \/>\nText: Book of Stomach Chapter 4, Verse 1.<\/p>\n<p>The preacher reminds everyone that even biblical figures like Jonah jumped \u2014 so \u201cwhy not our brother in politics?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Next, the party chairman mounts the stage:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe forgive the past. We welcome our brother home.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ah. Just like that. Loyalty now has an amnesty program.<\/p>\n<p>No screening, no questioning. His past insults are forgotten. His \u201canti-party activities\u201d wiped clean by thanksgiving rice and public kneeling.<\/p>\n<p>Because in Nigerian politics, defection is not treachery \u2014 it&#8217;s branding. And a thanksgiving is how you rinse off betrayal.<\/p>\n<p>As the event ends, envelopes are passed, photographers snap, and chants of \u201cLeader! Leader!\u201d fill the air. Nobody remembers his abandoned constituency. Nobody asks about his unpaid salaries. The only thing that matters is that he\u2019s back \u201chome.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This is not gratitude. It\u2019s ritual cleansing for recycled politicians.<br \/>\nA holy laundering ceremony to repackage dishonor as destiny.<\/p>\n<p>So next time you see canopies going up and gospel singers warming up their voices, don\u2019t ask \u201cwho died?\u201d Ask:<br \/>\n\u201cWho decamped?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Because in Nigeria, even betrayal must pass through the altar.<\/p>\n<p><em><strong>Professor MarkAnthony Ujunwa Nze<\/strong>\u00a0is a distinguished Nigerian-born investigative journalist, public intellectual, and global governance analyst, whose work spans critical intersections of media, law, and policy. His expertise extends across strategic management, leadership, and international business law, where he brings a nuanced understanding of institutional dynamics, cross-border legal frameworks, and executive decision-making in complex global environments.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Currently based in New York, Professor Nze serves as a full tenured professor at the New York Centre for Advanced Research. There, he spearheads interdisciplinary research at the forefront of governance innovation, corporate strategy, and geopolitical risk. Widely respected for his intellectual rigor and principled advocacy, he remains a vital voice in shaping ethical leadership and sustainable governance across emerging and established democracies.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/africatodaynewsnewyork.com\/\">Africa Today News, New York<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Defection Thanksgiving Service By Prof. MarkAnthony Nze In other countries, politicians defect quietly, with apology or at least shame. But in Nigeria? We throw a party. Not just any party, a full-blown, loudspeaker-blasting, clergy-blessing, canopy-renting, and spirit-summoning Defection Thanksgiving Service. Because in Nigeria, betrayal isn\u2019t a sin \u2014 it\u2019s a testimony. This episode opens with [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":116000,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"pmpro_default_level":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[25639,25644],"class_list":["post-115999","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-opinion","tag-nze","tag-wifi","pmpro-has-access"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Jumping Like WiFi Since 1999: A Satirical Series\u2014Part 4<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In other countries, politicians defect quietly, with apology or at least shame. But in Nigeria? We throw a party. 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