{"id":116049,"date":"2025-07-31T03:46:24","date_gmt":"2025-07-31T07:46:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/africatodaynewsnewyork.com\/?p=116049"},"modified":"2025-07-31T03:46:24","modified_gmt":"2025-07-31T07:46:24","slug":"jumping-like-wifi-since-1999-a-satirical-series-part-8","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/africatodaynewsnewyork.com\/2025\/07\/31\/jumping-like-wifi-since-1999-a-satirical-series-part-8\/","title":{"rendered":"Jumping Like WiFi Since 1999: A Satirical Series\u2014Part 8"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong><em>The Committee to Investigate the Committee That Was Set Up to Probe the Last Committee<\/em><\/strong><em><br \/>\n<\/em><br \/>\nBy <a href=\"https:\/\/africadailynews.net\/2025\/07\/28\/the-genocide-1967-1970-by-prof-markanthony-nze\/\"><strong>Prof. MarkAnthony Nze<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>Welcome to Nigeria, the Federal Republic of Committees. Where corruption is not tackled but tabled, not punished but pushed, and every scandal is answered with that magical phrase:<\/strong><br \/>\n<strong>\u201cWe\u2019ve set up a committee.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>A governor diverts \u20a612 billion?<br \/>\nSet up a committee.<\/p>\n<p>Minister commissions an invisible hospital?<br \/>\nAnother committee.<\/p>\n<p>National Assembly caught budgeting more SUVs than schools?<br \/>\nNo wahala \u2014 a \u201cfact-finding committee\u201d will handle it (after the cars arrive, of course).<\/p>\n<p>In Nigeria, we don\u2019t solve problems \u2014 we form them into structures, assign chairmen, share sitting allowances, and write reports that nobody reads. In fact, if we investigated all the committees formed in this country, we\u2019d need to set up another committee to find their reports.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<h1><strong>Read also: \u00a0<i class=\"fas fa-camera\"><\/i><a href=\"https:\/\/africatodaynewsnewyork.com\/2025\/07\/30\/jumping-like-wifi-since-1999-a-satirical-series-part-7\/\">Jumping Like WiFi Since 1999: A Satirical Series\u2014Part 7<\/a><\/strong><\/h1>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Behold the lifecycle of Nigerian governance:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>Scandal erupts. Public outrage rises.<\/li>\n<li>Government announces \u201cswift action\u201d \u2014 they mean printing A4 paper for committee inauguration.<\/li>\n<li>A retired judge or old politician who still thinks Instagram is a soft drink is appointed chairman.<\/li>\n<li>The committee has 90 days to report back, and 120 days to forget it happened.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>In most cases, the committee\u2019s work is just PR decoration for TV cameras:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u201cThe panel will get to the root of the matter.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201cWe are committed to transparency.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201cThe guilty will be brought to book.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>But that \u201cbook\u201d is never opened. The only thing brought to it is dust.<\/p>\n<p>Do you remember the petrol subsidy probe committee?<br \/>\nOr the Lekki toll gate panel?<br \/>\nOr the P&amp;ID scandal committee?<br \/>\nOr the committee on police reform?<br \/>\nOr the committee on the implementation of recommendations of the previous committee?<\/p>\n<p>Exactly. Nobody does. Because in Nigeria, committees are political sleeping pills \u2014 they calm the public until they forget, and then everything continues.<\/p>\n<p>The real committee working is the kitchen cabinet \u2014 a few untouchables who make decisions in party caucuses, villa backrooms, and Dubai lounges. Meanwhile, the official committee is just doing \u201cterms of reference and lunch break.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s not forget the sitting allowances. In a country where the minimum wage is \u20a670,000, committee members are collecting \u20a61.5 million per sitting, to sit down and achieve absolutely nothing. That\u2019s not public service \u2014 that\u2019s strategic lounging.<\/p>\n<p>Even when a committee submits a report, it\u2019s either:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u201cUnder review\u201d (for eternity), or<\/li>\n<li>\u201cMissing\u201d (like magic), or<\/li>\n<li>\u201cNot adopted due to political sensitivity\u201d (read: someone powerful is guilty).<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Nigeria doesn\u2019t have a governance problem \u2014 it has a report retention syndrome. We don\u2019t need more probes. We need to probe the people forming probes.<\/p>\n<p>So next time a scandal breaks and they say, \u201cWe\u2019ve set up a committee,\u201d just nod and ask:<br \/>\n\u201cHow many caterers are involved?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Because in this country, the only committee that delivers is the food committee.<\/p>\n<p><em><strong>Professor MarkAnthony Ujunwa Nze<\/strong>\u00a0is a distinguished Nigerian-born investigative journalist, public intellectual, and global governance analyst, whose work spans critical intersections of media, law, and policy. His expertise extends across strategic management, leadership, and international business law, where he brings a nuanced understanding of institutional dynamics, cross-border legal frameworks, and executive decision-making in complex global environments.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Currently based in New York, Professor Nze serves as a full tenured professor at the New York Centre for Advanced Research. There, he spearheads interdisciplinary research at the forefront of governance innovation, corporate strategy, and geopolitical risk. Widely respected for his intellectual rigor and principled advocacy, he remains a vital voice in shaping ethical leadership and sustainable governance across emerging and established democracies.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/africatodaynewsnewyork.com\/\">Africa Today News, New York<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Committee to Investigate the Committee That Was Set Up to Probe the Last Committee By Prof. MarkAnthony Nze Welcome to Nigeria, the Federal Republic of Committees. Where corruption is not tackled but tabled, not punished but pushed, and every scandal is answered with that magical phrase: \u201cWe\u2019ve set up a committee.\u201d A governor diverts [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":116050,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"pmpro_default_level":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-116049","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-opinion","pmpro-has-access"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Jumping Like WiFi Since 1999: A Satirical Series\u2014Part 8<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Welcome to Nigeria, the Federal Republic of Committees. 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