{"id":116053,"date":"2025-08-01T03:00:36","date_gmt":"2025-08-01T07:00:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/africatodaynewsnewyork.com\/?p=116053"},"modified":"2025-08-01T03:00:36","modified_gmt":"2025-08-01T07:00:36","slug":"jumping-like-wifi-since-1999-a-satirical-series-part-9","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/africatodaynewsnewyork.com\/2025\/08\/01\/jumping-like-wifi-since-1999-a-satirical-series-part-9\/","title":{"rendered":"Jumping Like WiFi Since 1999: A Satirical Series\u2014Part 9"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong><em>Budget of Hope, Generator of Reality<\/p>\n<p><\/em><\/strong>By <a href=\"https:\/\/africadailynews.net\/2025\/07\/28\/the-genocide-1967-1970-by-prof-markanthony-nze\/\"><strong>Prof. MarkAnthony Nze<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>Once every year, with full fanfare, Aso Rock-supplied cheerleaders, and cameras zoomed in on agbada creases, the Nigerian government presents the Budget of Hope. It\u2019s the country\u2019s longest-running fiction series: longer than Super Story, more padded than Big Brother\u2019s mattress, and just as scripted.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ll hear:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThis is a budget of renewed transformation and inclusive sustainable exponential growth.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ah yes, grammar full everywhere. But go outside the gate of the budget presentation venue, and you\u2019ll find:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>A pothole the size of a swimming pool.<\/li>\n<li>Hawkers fighting over \u20a6200 change.<\/li>\n<li>A public school using chalkboard from 1993.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Yet, somehow, the budget allocates:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u20a618 billion for \u201cDigital Smart Education Access Portals\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u20a6600 million for \u201cAquatic Heritage Infrastructure\u201d in dry land states<\/li>\n<li>\u20a61.5 billion for \u201cReactivation of Morale and Inter-Governmental Harmony\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>What does that even mean? Even Google is confused.<\/p>\n<p>The budget is essentially a national lie in PDF format. It\u2019s filled with beautifully phrased deceit like:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u201cCommunity Wellness Enhancement\u201d \u2192 (one broken borehole in a politician\u2019s backyard)<\/li>\n<li>\u201cStrategic Rural Illumination\u201d \u2192 (they bought one generator)<\/li>\n<li>\u201cYouth Engagement Package\u201d \u2192 (they shared branded face caps)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<blockquote>\n<h1><strong>Read also: \u00a0<i class=\"fas fa-camera\"><\/i><a href=\"https:\/\/africatodaynewsnewyork.com\/2025\/07\/31\/jumping-like-wifi-since-1999-a-satirical-series-part-8\/\">Jumping Like WiFi Since 1999: A Satirical Series\u2014Part 8<\/a><\/strong><\/h1>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>And of course, the king of them all:<\/p>\n<p>Overhead Costs \u2014 \u20a622.3 Billion<\/p>\n<p>Please, who is this Overhead and is he running for President in 2027?<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s expose the scam.<\/p>\n<p>They\u2019ll allocate billions to rural electrification, but the only thing shining in that village is:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>The Honorable\u2019s Benz headlights<\/li>\n<li>And the photographer\u2019s flash when the \u201claunch\u201d photo is taken<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The Ministry of Power runs on generator.<br \/>\nThe Budget Office uses diesel.<br \/>\nThe National Assembly buys 500KVA generators \u2014 and then budget \u20a6100 billion for electricity reform.<\/p>\n<p>Imagine budgeting \u20a650 billion for solar lights, and the state secretariat staff still charge their phones at a mama put joint across the street.<\/p>\n<p>When you question them, they\u2019ll say:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cFunds have not yet been released.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Yet Honorable just came back from London with a new Rolex and a stomach the size of an inflated budget line.<\/p>\n<p>Oh, and let\u2019s talk about implementation. Only in Nigeria does 70% of the budget go to \u201crecurrent\u201d expenses, i.e.:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Salaries for ghost workers,<\/li>\n<li>Sitting allowances for people who have never stood,<\/li>\n<li>And travel allowances for people who haven\u2019t left their office.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>By December, less than 30% of capital projects are touched \u2014 and 100% of corruption is completed.<\/p>\n<p>Then the auditor-general releases a report:<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u20a6480 billion unaccounted for in 13 MDAs.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And what happens next?<br \/>\nCommittee. (As we covered in Episode 8.)<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re still angry, don\u2019t worry \u2014 they\u2019ll repackage the same nonsense next year and call it:<\/p>\n<p>Budget of Accelerated Sustainability for Renewed Inclusive Growth.<\/p>\n<p>But in reality, the only thing sustained is poverty, the only thing renewed is the convoy, and the only thing inclusive is hunger.<\/p>\n<p>So, next time they say:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe have budgeted \u20a62 trillion for economic revival,\u201d<br \/>\nAsk them:<br \/>\n\u201cRevival for who, sir? Because NEPA just took light again.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><em><strong>Professor MarkAnthony Ujunwa Nze<\/strong>\u00a0is a distinguished Nigerian-born investigative journalist, public intellectual, and global governance analyst, whose work spans critical intersections of media, law, and policy. His expertise extends across strategic management, leadership, and international business law, where he brings a nuanced understanding of institutional dynamics, cross-border legal frameworks, and executive decision-making in complex global environments.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Currently based in New York, Professor Nze serves as a full tenured professor at the New York Centre for Advanced Research. There, he spearheads interdisciplinary research at the forefront of governance innovation, corporate strategy, and geopolitical risk. Widely respected for his intellectual rigor and principled advocacy, he remains a vital voice in shaping ethical leadership and sustainable governance across emerging and established democracies.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/africatodaynewsnewyork.com\/\">Africa Today News, New York<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Budget of Hope, Generator of Reality By Prof. MarkAnthony Nze Once every year, with full fanfare, Aso Rock-supplied cheerleaders, and cameras zoomed in on agbada creases, the Nigerian government presents the Budget of Hope. It\u2019s the country\u2019s longest-running fiction series: longer than Super Story, more padded than Big Brother\u2019s mattress, and just as scripted. You\u2019ll [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":116054,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"pmpro_default_level":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-116053","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-opinion","pmpro-has-access"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Jumping Like WiFi Since 1999: A Satirical Series\u2014Part 9<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Once every year, with full fanfare, Aso Rock-supplied cheerleaders, and cameras zoomed in on agbada creases, the Nigerian government presents\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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