{"id":116071,"date":"2025-08-03T03:03:02","date_gmt":"2025-08-03T07:03:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/africatodaynewsnewyork.com\/?p=116071"},"modified":"2025-08-03T08:05:07","modified_gmt":"2025-08-03T12:05:07","slug":"jumping-like-wifi-since-1999-a-satirical-series-part-11","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/africatodaynewsnewyork.com\/2025\/08\/03\/jumping-like-wifi-since-1999-a-satirical-series-part-11\/","title":{"rendered":"Jumping Like WiFi Since 1999: A Satirical Series\u2014Part 11"},"content":{"rendered":"

We Are Not Broke, We Just Prefer Borrowing<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

By Prof. MarkAnthony Nze<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

Welcome to Nigeria, the only country where being broke is a leadership style, and borrowing is a governance strategy. Here, debt isn\u2019t a red flag, it\u2019s a badge of honor, worn proudly by those who shout \u201cfiscal responsibility\u201d while signing loan agreements with pens borrowed from China.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Every time you ask:<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere\u2019s the money?\u201d
\nThey reply:
\n\u201cDon\u2019t worry, it\u2019s coming. We\u2019ve secured a facility.\u201d<\/p>\n

Facility! That\u2019s the new name for debt. They no longer call it a loan \u2014 they baptize it: intervention fund, liquidity support instrument, budgetary harmonization stimulus<\/em>. Omo, even debt is now suffering identity crisis.<\/p>\n

The Minister of Finance, always fresh from one debt negotiation summit in Paris, appears on NTA in gele taller than national GDP growth, and says:<\/p>\n

\u201cNigeria\u2019s debt is sustainable. We have strong macroeconomic fundamentals.\u201d<\/p>\n

Strong gini? Madam, even Jollof rice is no longer fundamental in the average Nigerian kitchen. Indomie is now luxury cuisine.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s get expository.
\nAs of today, Nigeria proudly spends a jaw-dropping \u20a613.7 trillion per year \u2014 not to repay loans o, but just to settle interest. That\u2019s right, we’re not even touching the principal; it\u2019s lounging somewhere in heaven, sipping palm wine with the ancestors. It\u2019s called \u201cdebt servicing\u201d, but really, it\u2019s like renting your own problems.<\/p>\n

In 2024, we actually earned just about \u20a615 trillion in total revenue (Nigerian Tribune, 2024). But before the ink dried on that figure, \u20a613.7 trillion had already been wired out to creditors, leaving barely crumbs for governance (BudgIT Foundation, 2024; DMO, 2025). That\u2019s over 85% of everything we made \u2014 swallowed by loans we may never fully understand, let alone repay.<\/p>\n

The Debt Management Office (DMO) did their best to sound diplomatic, but even spreadsheets can’t lie: $2 billion went into external debt servicing in just four months (Punch, 2025). Meanwhile, our total public debt hit \u20a6134.3 trillion by Q2 2024 (Nairametrics, 2024), and thanks to the naira\u2019s continued acrobatics, it ballooned to nearly \u20a6150 trillion in early 2025 (BusinessDay, 2025).<\/p>\n

According to BusinessDay Intelligence (2025), our revenue-to-debt service ratio has collapsed like a three-legged stool in a flood. We\u2019ve mastered the art of borrowing to pay interest on past borrowings, while leaving hospitals, schools, and pensioners at the mercy of budget \u201cshortfalls.\u201d<\/p>\n

But don\u2019t worry, there\u2019s \u201chope\u201d \u2014 as usual. In Q1 2025, the Federal Government raked in \u20a66.9 trillion \u2014 a 40% leap from Q1 2024 (Arise TV, 2025; Nigerian Tribune, 2024). Promising? Maybe. But with a 2025 budget of nearly \u20a655 trillion, we\u2019re essentially using borehole buckets to drain an ocean.<\/p>\n

And yet, our leaders move with confidence. They approve convoys and private jets, while schools lack chalk. They commission \u201clegacy projects\u201d that exist only in PowerPoint. If budgeting was a talent show, Nigeria would win Best in Fictional Finance.<\/p>\n

Even the World Bank has stopped explaining. They now watch us like reality TV \u2014 confused, entertained, and occasionally horrified.<\/p>\n

\n

Read also: Jumping Like WiFi Since 1999: A Satirical Series\u2014Part 10<\/a><\/h1>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Until we unplug this Federal Paylater Economy, Nigeria\u2019s future will remain what it currently is:<\/p>\n

a motivational poster pasted on a wall of unpaid loans.<\/p>\n

Until Nigeria checks into economic rehab and stops this \u201cBuy Now, Cry Later\u201d borrowing lifestyle, our development story will remain what it currently is \u2014 a motivational quote with no budget.<\/p>\n

And at this point, even the IMF is squinting at us like,<\/p>\n

\u201cShey you people are joking with global finance?\u201d<\/p>\n

Yes.
\nYes, we are.<\/p>\n

So what\u2019s left for:<\/p>\n