{"id":116104,"date":"2025-08-05T03:44:13","date_gmt":"2025-08-05T07:44:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/africatodaynewsnewyork.com\/?p=116104"},"modified":"2025-08-05T03:46:17","modified_gmt":"2025-08-05T07:46:17","slug":"jumping-like-wifi-since-1999-a-satirical-series-part-13","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/africatodaynewsnewyork.com\/2025\/08\/05\/jumping-like-wifi-since-1999-a-satirical-series-part-13\/","title":{"rendered":"Jumping Like WiFi Since 1999: A Satirical Series\u2014Part 13"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong><em>The Political Retirement Plan \u2014 From Senator to Chief Priest to Chairman of Everything<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>By<a href=\"https:\/\/africadailynews.net\/2025\/08\/01\/natural-diabetes-remedies-big-pharma-wont-tell-you-2\/\"><strong> Prof. MarkAnthony Nze<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>In a functional democracy, politicians retire to memoirs, lectures, and foundation work. In Nigeria? They retire into more power.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Yes o, here in the Federal Republic of Chop and Continue, political retirement is a myth. Our politicians don\u2019t fade \u2014 they evolve. From \u201cDistinguished Senator\u201d to \u201cHigh Chief,\u201d \u201cBoard Chairman,\u201d \u201cElder Statesman,\u201d or even \u201cPrayer Coordinator, Abuja Chapter.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Because why rest when you can still chair committees, supervise ghost projects, or be appointed \u201cspecial envoy\u201d to countries that don\u2019t know you exist?<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s break it down.<\/p>\n<p>Step 1: Senator Emeritus Phase<\/p>\n<p>After 12 years of sleeping in the Senate chambers and collecting wardrobe allowance for the 19th time, Baba retires \u2014 or so you think. Suddenly, he\u2019s announced as:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cChairman, Presidential Committee on Climate and Cultural Synergy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>What does that mean? Nobody knows.<br \/>\nDeliverables? Zero.<br \/>\nBudget? \u20a61.6 billion.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<h1><strong>Read also: <a title=\"Permalink to: Jumping Like WiFi Since 1999: A Satirical Series\u2014Part 12\" href=\"https:\/\/africatodaynewsnewyork.com\/2025\/08\/04\/jumping-like-wifi-since-1999-a-satirical-series-part-12\/\">Jumping Like WiFi Since 1999: A Satirical Series\u2014Part 12<\/a><\/strong><\/h1>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Step 2: Board Chairman Phase<\/p>\n<p>Now he becomes Chairman of Everything:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Chairman, NNPC Board.<\/li>\n<li>Chairman, National Lottery Commission.<\/li>\n<li>Chairman, Committee on Committee Chairmen.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>He doesn\u2019t attend meetings. But he gets allowances. His grandchildren call him \u201cDaddy AGM.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You ask why someone over 75 is chairing a tech board. They reply:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHe brings experience.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Experience from what \u2014 fax machine?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Step 3: Chief Priest Phase<\/p>\n<p>Once they\u2019ve chopped the last contract, it\u2019s time to go spiritual.<\/p>\n<p>The same man who rigged five elections and slapped a police officer during primaries is now:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cEvangelist of National Redemption.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He starts quoting Psalms on Arise TV and becomes a keynote speaker at church conventions, giving TED Talks titled \u201cThe Grace of Governance.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You see him at Shiloh, front row.<br \/>\nAt RCCG Congress, speaking in tongues.<br \/>\nAt a shrine in Ibadan, receiving chieftaincy as \u201cAsiwaju of Economic Liberation.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Double portion anointing, dual worship strategy. Baba is securing heaven and pension.<\/p>\n<p>Step 4: TV Panelist Phase<\/p>\n<p>This is the peak. Every Sunday morning, he\u2019s on TV.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhen I was in office, we built 17,000 roads.\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cYouth must take over, but gradually.\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cPolitics is not about money.\u201d (From a career politician with 8 mansions in Dubai.)<\/p>\n<p>And they always end with:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNigeria will be great again.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Yes. Great again for you and your retirement account.<\/p>\n<p>The Reality<\/p>\n<p>The truth is, retirement in Nigeria is just a transfer window.<br \/>\nYou leave office and enter contracts, appointments, boards, and blessings.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s no exit strategy \u2014 only promotion to elder looter status.<\/p>\n<p>Meanwhile, the actual youth?<br \/>\nThey\u2019re told to be patient.<br \/>\nTo \u201clearn from the elders.\u201d<br \/>\nTo volunteer, intern, or become the next polling unit scapegoat.<\/p>\n<p>Because for you, retirement is pension delay.<br \/>\nFor them, it\u2019s soft landing on government gravy.<\/p>\n<p><em><strong>Professor MarkAnthony Ujunwa Nze<\/strong>\u00a0is a distinguished Nigerian-born investigative journalist, public intellectual, and global governance analyst, whose work spans critical intersections of media, law, and policy. His expertise extends across strategic management, leadership, and international business law, where he brings a nuanced understanding of institutional dynamics, cross-border legal frameworks, and executive decision-making in complex global environments.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Currently based in New York, Professor Nze serves as a full tenured professor at the New York Centre for Advanced Research. There, he spearheads interdisciplinary research at the forefront of governance innovation, corporate strategy, and geopolitical risk. Widely respected for his intellectual rigor and principled advocacy, he remains a vital voice in shaping ethical leadership and sustainable governance across emerging and established democracies.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/africatodaynewsnewyork.com\/\">Africa Today News, New York<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Political Retirement Plan \u2014 From Senator to Chief Priest to Chairman of Everything By Prof. MarkAnthony Nze In a functional democracy, politicians retire to memoirs, lectures, and foundation work. In Nigeria? They retire into more power. Yes o, here in the Federal Republic of Chop and Continue, political retirement is a myth. Our politicians [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":116106,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"pmpro_default_level":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[25646],"class_list":["post-116104","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-opinion","tag-chief-priest","pmpro-has-access"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Jumping Like WiFi Since 1999: A Satirical Series\u2014Part 13<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In a functional democracy, politicians retire to memoirs, lectures, and foundation work. In Nigeria? 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